New Blog features

Hey, Y'all-

I've been up all night incorporating some new features in my Blog. First, you'll notice all the groovy links to the left. As always, please let me know if you find a broken link, or a typo.

The Archives may actually be working now.

Notice at the bottom right of each post a link that says SHOUT OUT. I'm really psyched about this because you can now click on a post and leave a comment.

Finally, I have contributed my first entry in the Carnival of the Vanities, which is a sort of round-robin style contest for Bloggers. Check it out at Lies, Damn Lies and Statistics.

Equal time for Buzzflash

In fairness, I received a response from Buzzflash *

"in response to your question about god in the declaration of independence, that's what the original declaration of independence says and we are patriots

buzzflash"


*No name, just the site. Hmmmm.

Anyway - my response was:


And, of course, there's no room for a more inclusive form?

Thanks for responding, even though we disagree.

Peace!

Morgaine

1% of the Defense budget should be directed toward ending violence against women
http://www.vday.org/onepercent

I want my country back! Howard Dean for President in '04
http://www.DeanforAmerica.com


So what do you think, loyal readers? Is it enough to say that it's in the original? Or is the onus on them/us to make it more inclusive?

Unlike the Constitution, the Declaration was intended for one specific point in time, to accomplish one goal: To inflame the opinions of Colonial residents against the Crown. It's an amazing document, but it wasn't necessarily intended to be relevant 200 years later, except, perhaps, in regard to the "unalienable rights" delineated therein.

For context, let's look at another document from the same sources - The Constitution.

First, let's note that after the Declaration and before the Constitution came the Articles of Confederation. They didn't work out too well, so in 1787 it was replaced by the constitution which went into effect in March 4, 1789 and was Amended with the Bill of Rights which was ratified Dec 15, 1791.

At that point, neither women or people of color were included. Slavery was still legal. Native Americans would not be considered citizens until 1924 and would not be able to vote until 1948. To put that in perspective, my mother was 10 years old before some members of her family could vote.

The point I'm making with this little history lesson is that sometimes, we learn a better way. Eventually, that new wisdom finds its way into our legal documents. So if we are going to re-new our Declaration of Independence, shouldn't that Declaration reflect a society more inclusive than that of Colonial America in the late 18th century? Because I'd really like to sign the Declaration of Independence, but I won't invoke that deity to do it.

For the record: I HIGHLY recommend Buzzflash as a source of news, along with Bartcop.com, the Democratic Underground, Not Geniuses, and Media Whores On Line. That's why the headlines are still on this page. That's why I read their site every day.

Radical Right ruins Religion for the rest of us.

Religion has become a dirty word. When you say "Religon" in this political climate, images of Falwell and Buchannan leap to mind. It has taken on the meaning of a Christian Fanaticism that uses hate, slander and divisiveness to further its political goals: Theocracy, Oligarchy, Censorship, and Oppression.

My problem is that I love Religion. I grew up marveling at paintings of Jesus in our family Bible. I spent more time in college reading about the various religions than I spent on my studies. I believe that the human animal functions better when it has a religion to provide a framework for a world we otherwise perceive as chaotic. I believe that the tolerance, the forgiveness, the idea of redemption that is normally a part of Religion supports, comforts, and enriches us.

Secular Humanism and the intellectual elite recognize none of that. The issues of Free Inquiry that I've read seem to have two points: 1) all religion is superstition and is, therefore, bad, and 2) we can be moral through intellect alone. I can't discern any real platform beyond that. It's a barrage of "why the Right is Wrong".

Well, I agree that the Religious Right is horrible, hateful, and an excuse for blatant fascism. I refuse, however, to let the concept of Religion be permanently tainted by a fascist core of demagogues. I refuse to be dismissed outright by expressing views in accordance with my own belief system. I have no patience for Leftists who want to pretend you can't be liberal and spiritual. That kind of conceit is what we are supposed to be protesting in the Religious Right we dislike so much.

You may have noticed that I recently added headlines to this page from a couple of internet news outlets. They are unabashedly leftist in their politics, as am I. The first, Buzzflash, inspired this article. They are one of the few real news outlets extant any more. The corporate media is in the Bush camp, so TV is no longer a source of anything but Republican rubber stamps. I have a feeling, though, that Buzzflash thinks matters of religion are a waste of time.

For the 4th of July, Buzzflash started what I would consider a brilliant protest: They posted an updated Declaration of Independence. I was eager to sign it... Until I stopped to read it. It is rife with references to "God". Hasn't the educated Left wing figured out that "God" IS NOT A GENERIC TERM?! I know that this culture often treats it as such, so I dropped a note to Buzzflash, citing this problem and stating that I wish it was more inclusive. No response was forthcoming. Knowing that electronic mail is hardly fool proof, I wrote again, this time offering to write a non-sectarian version if they so desired, so everyone would be comfortable with its text. Again, no response.

Now, what am I to think? They don't care if anyone is offended by references to a vengeful Judeo-Christian deity in a political document? They think "God" IS a generic term and so I'm nit-picking? Or, they don't give a rat's ass - Bush is taking us all down a thorny path and Buzzflash has bigger fish to fry? Maybe I'm a crackpot who doesn't warrant a civil response?

I'm sure there are other interpretations - these are all I could think of. My point is this - my political message seems to be ignored if religion is mixed in with it. I only mix religion in, though, to point out issues where religion has already been included, if only subliminally. I am stating the obvious when I say that this culture has a strong bias for Anglo(white), Christian Males. While most of us generally recognize this, not all of us are aware of its pervasiveness.

It is impossible to watch an evening of TV without encountering numerous references to Judeo-Christian scripture, or patriarchial concepts. I don't expect or even want our news or entertainment sanitized of these references. I want us to be aware of them, and to understand the assumption that underlies them. The assumption that "normal" people pray to "God", read at least one book of the Bible, think the idea of Woman being crafted by a Male deity from a Man's rib is... well, quaint. ( That noise you hear is me trying to suppress my gag reflex...)

I will be the first to admit that my religious and political views are extreme. I don't expect people to agree with me on all or even any of them. Equality, hell - I'm a pure Matriarchist. I believe in the Great Mother Goddess and that Evolution is merely the birth process on a planetary scale. I don't want ANY religion mixed in my politics (common sense would be a nice change, though). I believe a culture is only as strong as the least within it. I believe in the natural sovereignty of women to decide their own sexual, reproductive and political fates. And I reserve the right to raise absolute fucking hell when those principles are violated by law, by habit or by tradition.

So, I know that my opinions will be dismissed by the intellectual elite because of my religious views. I know it's easy to dismiss me as a nut. I might even change my name ...Sisyphus? Cassandra?... But I'm not going to go away. You can try to ignore me, but I'll make damned sure you REMEMBER me.

PEACE.

Midsummer Soul Search

It's daylight and I haven't slept. I'm in that shaky-cold thing that happens when I'm over-tired and over-stressed. My personality takes on its darker aspects. Right now, I'm indulging my current musical obsession and a lyric won't let me go until I get this out of my head.. Matchbox 20 seems to be saying what I feel these days. For a while, "Unwell" has been my theme song, but tonight/today/ this morning/ whatever the fucking time it is, I'm living the Lyrics of"Busted"

Busted
I forget when words were only words
She knows the party makes me nervous
In this stage we can't get hurt
Don't try to understand me

I can't get hurt because I have nothing to lose. It's an empowering feeling to be able to go for broke because you're already there. I'm out on the proverbial limb while safely tucked in my room/womb.

Don't try to understand me because there are too many me's to grok. As soon as you think you know me, I'm someone else. There are parts of me no one will ever know and that makes me sad. There are parts of me people miss because their perception is limited by my looks or their own limits.

We're too cool to be alone
But, not too crazy to get busted

"We" is me and a sort of soul mate I've encountered. Anyone who has ever studied with me knows that I always say "Goddess help you if you ever meet a soul mate". Those are unresolved relationships from other incarnations and they're intense. Rarely is anything resolved and the aftermath can last for years. It's always something you have to face, though. Walking away just isn't possible until your very survival is at stake.

I found out one life just ain't enough
I need another soul to feed on
I'm the flame I can't get burnt
I'm wholly understated

"Another soul to feed on" is my addiction to Dionysus. I'm not alive without that energy somewhere in my life, even if it's distant or on the periphery.

"I'm the flame, I can't get burnt" goes to the overwhelming intensity of my inner self and vision. I know what I know, and nothing can shake that.

"I'm wholly understated" is absolutely true. There are worlds in me that never get out for lack of opportunity, or resources, or most tragically, the lack of a partner. That other soul that isn't there...

I found silence in this space
An on and off again attraction
I need such amazing grace
Heaven sweep me away

"On and off again" because the energy comes over and over in the body of different persons.On one level it never goes away, but on the surface, it comes back with a vengeance. Once and future, never and always, all space is here all time is now...

"I need such amazing grace" is my need for something Mythic. I'll take the tragedy and the heartbreak as long as it's also glorious. No white picket fences for me.

(Chorus)
Love don't change, don't come around here
Don't wear my heart on your sleeve
Like a high school letter
Don't strain, 'cuz nothing ever comes from it
And the people we've become, well
They've never been the people who we are

This chorus is just pure frustration. Don't act it, or show it, FEEL IT. Don't strain, because it will flow naturally if you let it. Not choosing to be all we can be makes us less than we'd be if the opportunity had never arisen.

I strapped on one horse and prayed for luck
I dug another hole to bleed
I know exactly how this works
I need a new feel dirty

Do you know what it's like to walk into a hurricane even though you've been there before and know it will probably end badly?

I don't need you crowding up my space
I just want to get inside you (inside...)
You can't believe the heart you save
Giving something away

The relationship doesn't have to take a traditional form. The exchange of energy is what's important - to know that my energy has affected him, that his energy is connected to mine. There's a dichotomy with caring about someone - do you want something from them or are you giving them something? When you offer to love someone, is that a gift, a request or an imposition. The answer is in the other... Their response defines this interaction, in spite of your intentions.

Love don't change, don't come around here
Don't wear my heart on your sleeve
Like a high school letter
Don't strain, 'cuz nothing ever comes from it
And the people we've become, well
They've never been the people who we are

They've never been the people who we are... but who will they become ... what will they choose?

Love don't change, don't come around here
Don't mistake the something more for the something better
Don't strain, 'cuz nothing ever comes from it
And the people we've become,
They've never been the people who we are
who we are - yeah

"The something more for the something better" reminds me of the "essence and form" problem in magick. Is what you're wishing for really the thing that you want? Will you really want it when you have it? Do you know a good thing when you see it? Does it mean as much if it's free, or does the cost affect the value?

I dreamed that the world was crumbling down
We sat on my back porch and watched it
(Jesus is knocking on the door of your heart, ok?)
I dreamed that the buildings all fell down
We sat on my back porch and watched it
I dreamed that the world was crumbling down
We sat on my back porch and watched it
In my head I heard the sound
Like fifteen strangers dancing

Being me is like this - standing outside of the world, watching the patterns of people's lives, seeing the picture from a different angle. An angle that doesn't touch me. I'm just an observer on this planet - ha ha.

But oh how I want you to know me
Oh how I want you to know me
Oh how I wish I was somebody else, baby
Oh how I wish you could own me

Four lines that express the core issue of who I am. I want someone to see who I am - all that I am - and reflect it back to me. I need that connection. I'd be someone else if I could just to make that happen. The problem is that I'm stuck being me. Will anyone ever see past that? If I found someone that exceptional, what would he want with me?

Love don't change, don't come around here
Don't wear my heart on your sleeve
Like a high school letter
Don't strain, 'cuz nothing ever comes from it
And the people we've become, well
They've never been the people who we are -
who we are -
who we are

Busted is a Matchbox 20 song,and is under copyright.

Bush might have "moved on" but we haven't...

So the Chief Thief lied again. Was anyone surprised? Ever since the evil oil dynasty stole that election, they've been telling us bold faced lies and doing whatever they damned well pleased. I guess when you take office without winning the election, you don't feel beholdin' to the people that didn't put you there.

Where are the Democrats? We still have a few, don't we? Or are they all willing to finally admit that there is only one political party in America, and it's called the Military Industrial Complex. I guess that's not really a party - more of a junta, or a regime. At any rate, We the People didn't elect it and our votes don't count because we don't have the millions of dollars required to get the regime's attention.

To be fair, Howard Dean has a petition on his site to demand a bi-partisan investigation into SOTUgate. That's a plus. I'm still waiting to hear Dean's stand on a particular issue, but for the most part, he seems like he might be the only Democrat left. He signed the first Civil Unions law in our country's history, and he's pro-choice, pro-civil rights and pro-environment.

There's a light at the end of the tunnel. Could be daylight. Could be a train.

Women are people, too: Laci's Choice

As much of the country has, I've been watching the Laci Peterson case unfold on the news channels. It's a heartbreaking story - a beautiful young woman, perfectly in bloom with her first child, living what seemed to be a perfect life. Until someone ended it, that is. I'm not going to speculate here about who killed her - I think we'll all be convinced as the trial proceeds. What concerned me was the reaction of Feminist organizations when the prosecutor considered charging the main suspect with a double murder.

Laci's child, Connor , had not yet been born when she was killed. Pro-choice forces scream at any attempt to assign "person" status to a child in utero at any stage of development, for fear that anti-abortion groups will use it to get a foothold toward reversing Roe V. Wade. I am a vocal proponent of abortion rights. I believe it should be available on demand, and without cost so that it is equally available under decent conditions for all women regardless of income. (Low income women often cannot afford the procedure, or have to endure it with only a local anesthetic - a barbarous practice under the best of conditions.) So how do we reconcile the inestimable loss of this child with our political needs? By emphasizing the Will of the Mother.

Women are sentient beings. How and when we choose to bear a child is the most intimate choice we ever encounter, and it is an undertaking fraught with danger. In my opinion, that danger, the impact pregnancy has on a woman's body, and the importance of Motherhood in this or any other culture, give women an inherent right to control their own bodies. Pregnancy should never be seen as a punishment - a favorite argument of the religious right- nor should it be enforced in any way. We each have an innate right to control our own person. In addition, I believe that each child has a right to be wanted. The rights of the Mother who is already a member of society naturally take precedence over the rights of an unborn entity.

Under any circumstance, I would have defended Laci's right to terminate her pregnancy. She chose to have her child, and was happily awaiting his arrival. That choice - Laci's Choice - is what should determine the charges to be brought in the case against her killer. It was Laci's Will that Connor be born, to be a part of her family. His death, like her own, was not in keeping with her wishes and that is what makes this a double homicide. Left to her own devices, she'd be living happily with a six month old baby now. The loss of both lives is of import. The infringement on Laci's right to life and motherhood are violations of the most fundamental rights of humanity.

The bottom line is - when is our government going to admit that women have free will; that we are naturally endowed with the right to sovereignty over our own bodies; and that our personal and medical decisions are ours alone? These issues have never been called to question where a man is concerned. They are at least as obvious for women. When we reach this basic understanding of ourselves, the arguments become moot, and our energy may be better spent caring for the children we already have.

FROM May... Mom & Dad
I'm writing this on an ancient powerbook as I sit in the waiting room fr the neuo-surgery ICU at the University of Kentucky Hospital. I'd be thrilled with this decrepit little toy under better circumstances. I'm not likely to be thrilled by anything under these circumstances, though. My mom had a seizure last Sunday that lasted over three hours. She spent the night a MacDowell hospital near home, and I was up with her all night. When she became conscious, she was very affectionate and needed constant attention. Her legs were cramping horribly from the build up of lactic acid from the seizure, and I massaged them for hours.

On Monday, doctors discovered that she had massive bleeding on the brain. My Aunt Eva rode with her in the ambulance, which made the 3 1/2 hour trip to Lexington in just about two hours. (I'm still not convinced Eva wasn't driving, considering that speed - ha ha.) Dad and I got there later Monday evening and we've been here ever since. Today is Thursday, I think.

It's been a long week. When Mom is awake, she's confused and difficult so we have to stay with her or she's tied down. She was constantly trying to pull out the drain in her head and the IV's in her arms. Now that they are gone, she keeps wanting to stand up. The problem with that is that it takes two of us to hold her up, and her left leg and arm are so weak and swollen that she can barely use them. Life is going to get bleak if she doesn't get her motor functions back. Today is the first day that I think she realizes how sick she is - she's been too out of it until now to grasp the situation. She's getting it now, and she's fighting like hell against it. That might be a good thing.

---------------------------------------

OK, I know that tonight is thursday because I watched "Season Finale Thursday" on NBC. I think that makes this May 15. I missed this week's QAF, but I'll get to see it Saturday, i hope. There's a possibility they'll let mom go home tomorrow. If not, then my Aunt Eva will come spend the night here with mom as she did last weekend so dad and I can go home and catch up on mail, bills and the lawn. If anyone had ever told me I could miss rose bushes, I'd have thought they were nuts. Right now I miss everything.

I know it sounds like I'm whining. I'm not sorry I'm here, In fact, this is the first time I'm actually glad I'm in Kentucky. There's no way I'd want my Dad to go through this alone. More importantly, if I weren't here, I'd never have the kind of appreciation for both my parents that i do now. It would be a shame to go through life without seeing how truly amazing they both are.

My mom is tough. There's no other word for it. I can't believe some of the things she has survived - poverty, neglect, abuse, and a litany of serious health problems which included a burst pancreas, a rare heart condition and a host of congenital problems that I've not only inherited but have taken into new realms of dysfunction. She recently kicked butt on a couple of young orderlies who couldn't believe she was in her 60's when she broke the restraints they tried to put her in. Years of working as a "foreman" in a metal shop have left her strong and unusually muscular. Her skin is plump and firm and she's only now showing any real signs of aging. She's always had a "my way or the highway" attitude that served her well in the past, except where I was concerned. (We're are entirely too much alike and are polar opposites in almost everything except stubborness.) That same attitude is making this a much more unpleasant and frustrating ordeal, though, and i miss that week or so that I had of her being very sweet and affectionate.

She gets really aggravated with every aspect of her treatment, and is constantly unhooking her monitors and IV's. When we get her into bed, she wants up again before we even get the covers pulled up. She isn't used to the weakness in her left side, and she'll move very quickly and lose her balance. We can't let her fall because she still has a blood clot, but she gets very angry at us when we try to help her or ask what she's trying to do. Her general lack of respect for me has tranlated into occasional violence, though so far she hasn't had the strength, balance or focus to really hurt me. I just hope she gets her wits back as quickly as she regains her strength. Knowing that she's out of her head isn't going to make it hurt any less if she actually succeeds in breaking my fingers or connects when she swings at me.

She's asleep in a chair beside her bed right now. Poor thing -- she looks so fragile when she's still. She has half a mohawk from the surgery and still has a large clump of stitches where the drain was in her head. There's a lunar eclipse tonight, but we can't see it from here. That was her excuse for wanting to go to the window. An eclipse is the kind of thing we'd all be out on the front porch for, as was the thunderstorm this afternoon. Dad opened the blinds and turned chairs so we could "watch the light show". They never miss a good storm. No eclipse tonight, though. Dad is asleep on the extra bed in this room. He's had even less sleep than I have, because Mom won't let him leave her alone for long. It would be sweet, if he weren't so tired. She doesn't seem to understand anyone else's needs - though empathy was never her long suit - and she'll wake him up and keep him hopping no matter what the hour. Bless his heart, he never complains.

If Dad wasn't my hero before, he absolutely is now. I've never seen such patience in a person. He's always been very kind and affectionate. He's one of the few men I would really call "gentile" - he's never walked through a door in front of me in my life unless I asked him to; he does dishes, and vacuuming and anything else that needs to be done without asking; he's gentle and funny and softspoken in an "Andy Griffith" sort of way; he adores children and they love him; the classic "toilet seat debate" was never an issue in our house because we all put the lid down; and as far as I can tell, he's been in love with my mom since they were kids. They've been married 46 years and her biggest complaints are that he never wants to go anywhere (though he does) and that he lets her choose what they do in terms of restaurants and other entertainment. Beyond that the only problem they really have is me.

The BEAUTY BUCK STOPS HERE...

A recent news teaser announced "ladies, you can increase his sexual pleasure with a little nip and tuck 'down there'". So now we're supposed to be so concerned with "his pleasure" that we'll undergo surgery on our vaginas??? Whatever happened to exercising the PC muscles? I've seen several fashion magazines in recent years run stories about women choosing to have plastic surgery on their labia to make them more attractive. Am I the only one that finds this horrifying? Are we now under such a microscope that even our most intimate and unique features aren't good enough just as they are? The culture of beauty has finally gone too far and I have had enough.

I've always had a love for make-up and glamour. I used to subscribe to every magazine out there and devoured each issue. I have a consuming passion for anything Chanel, and I don't expect that will change. If you've read my article called "Gwyneth", though, you know that I am changing. In that essay, I asked myself why I expended energy reading about people I wouldn't hang with if I could, and parties I'll never be invited to, knowing full well I'd hate them anyway. My question now is why have I supported an industry - the fashion industry - that does not include me and continually tells me that everything about me is wrong.

If I want to see women of average proportion, I have to buy a magazine for plus-size women. Emme, one of the top plus size models, is a size 12. I read recently that the average size of the American woman is 14. So the women in the 'zines for fat chicks are smaller than average. What does that tell me? It tells me that the fashion industry doesn't want to know I exist. It tells me that they aren't going to make clothing that makes me look good. It tells me I'm wasting my money.

This week, my hair is too curly. Last week, it was too straight. The sun is bad, so I need a self-tanner to look healthy. I'm not eating the right foods - this week, I'm supposed to eat a low-carb diet. Last week, high carb ruled. Neither ever made a difference in my weight. Heroin Chic has given way to a look more common to concentration camps, and I don't want to look like that, but guys are programmed to love it. My pores are too big, I have acne scars, skin tags, brittle nails and skimpy lashes. No wonder I have agoraphbia - how can I even consider leaving the house?! And now I'm supposed to obsess about my labia. Thank you, Glamour mag! Thank you, Sex in the City! Welcome to my toilet.

I understand women having re-constructive surgery if they've been injured in some way. Complications of childbirth or damage resulting from an assault can be devastating. Obviously, in such cases, a woman would want to have both function and appearance restored as much as possible. I'm talking about supposedly educated, supposedly enlightened women who have a choice. And after what I would assume is a great deal of thought, these women choose the pain and considerable expense of having plastic surgery on their genitals.

We live in a world where women in many countries are forced to undergo brutal genital mutilation. Our government does not recognize this horror as a human rights violation, but rather refers to it as a cultural practice, and therefore, basically none of our business. As a woman, I think it is my business, and I don't want my government doing business with or giving aid to a government that allows this practice. I can't imagine a Western woman seeking to have herself mutilated even under the pristine conditions of a hospital - a luxury not afforded victims of this violent practice, which is often performed under squalid conditions with nothing more than a piece of broken glass.

Our priorities are fucked, people. I mentioned Sex in the City because those shallow, vain women represent everything I hate about women in our culture. Their only interest in a man is based on the size of his physical and financial endowments. ( Yeah, I know cock size figures prominently in the dialog of Queer As Folk, too, but I don't expect anything from men. A woman ought to have more going for her.) Intelligence, kindness, compassion, vision all appear to have no place in a world based on appearances.

As much as I love sitcoms, they illustrate my point. Remember Elaine Benes on Seinfeld dumping a guy because he was poor? How about Grace Adler's (Will and Grace) reaction when her boyfriend tried to tell her he had an extra toe. That might be an extreme case, but remember that she said 'what, you probably have a patch of dry skin somewhere?" What if he had had psoriasis? Or cancer?

Now I know I spend a lot of time talking about pretty boys. We are all pre-wired to be attracted to beauty. It's the narrow definition of beauty that I object to - the inability to see beauty in the totality of a person. Having never dated a guy with a job and a car, I can hardly be called a gold-digger. I might give a guy grief over the length he chooses for his hair, but never for losing it. I'd never denigrate a person for something s/he can't control. The willingness to reduce, or to be reduced, to a collection of parts that are examined and judged as to whether they must be surgically altered to be acceptable is demoralizing and frightening. How will we ever accept diversity among races and nations when we can't accept diversity from individual to individual?

It's natural to admire beauty. It's barbarous to demand it, and imply that a less attractive person has nothing else to offer. Remember Joan River's diatribes against Elizabeth Taylor? One of the most beautiful women in history was vilified for gaining weight. Hey, we're all getting old. Are we going to make ourselves miserable over it? It's our choice.

Personally, I think judging a person by the size or appearance of their genitalia shows 1) a lack of imagination 2) a lack of sexual skill and 3) a lack of compassion. I can state categorically that skill as a lover has nothing to do with cock size. Responsiveness in a woman has nothing to do with the size of her breasts, the flatness of her abs or the shape of her labia. Sensuality trumps physical perfection any day of the week.

I once heard a really cute guy talking about his fiance: "one girl is as good as another." What an insult, not just to her but to women everywhere. What an unimaginative idiot. If they are still married 10 years later, I guarantee they've never had a conversation about art, religion, poetry or politics. It wouldn't surprise me if she's never had an orgasm. (At least not with him. Shallow and vapid often include unfaithful as part of the package.)

I've seen the antithesis of this during the course of my mother's illness. In an age when men divorce their wives for gaining weight, my dad loves my mom, no matter what. She's been ill all of her adult life. She's scarred and battered from multiple surgeries; she's heavy from having to take insulin; most of her head is shaved from two recent neurosurgeries. She's been in some very unattractive states between her seizures and the resulting (though, hopefully, temporary) disabilities. He still looks at her with love. She still can do no wrong in his eyes. He's gentle and loving and affectionate with her. He's optimistic when the rest of us don't see any hope. My prayer is that we all find that kind of acceptance somewhere - it's the most beautiful aspect of the human condition. It's the very best we have to give.

If a woman is considering labial or vaginal plastic surgery, I hope she'll reconsider. Take half the money for the surgery, and donate it to an organization that fights the practice of genital mutilation. Take the rest and find a good therapist who can help you learn to love yourself as you are. Don't give your money to a doctor who makes his living off your insecurities. For my part, I'll still have to have a Chanel lipstick now and then, but I won't be subscribing to any more fashion magazines. I'll be spending my time and money on things that make me a better person in my own eyes, instead of trying to meet some fictional and impossible standard of perfection. I'm blessed with amazing, unique, visionary friends who already think I'm beautiful. What else really matters?